It’s January 10th, still the very beginning of the new year.  Planning what to do with it all and thankful that I haven’t royally screwed anything up yet.

Stewing and planning…

Stewing and planning…

I’m working on a plan for my art, both painting and publicity, on the days when I am not at my day job.  But as usual, unplanned surprises come along to create side roads off those lofty goals.  One of those surprises showed up at my door last Sunday.

My son was over at my place helping me with a repair in the bathroom and afterwards he hung around waiting for something to eat.  No surprise yet.  The door bell rang and he ran to get it.  He opens the door, tells me it’s for me and steps away.  I head to the door and see my daughter has arrived!  I screamed, ran up and hugged her silly.  She’s finished her undergraduate degree in Vancouver but was planning on staying there longer and working.  I hadn’t expected her until at least the end of the month.  But she decided to surprise and show up early. 

She came in, we got past our initial glee, and caught up.  Over the next couple of days, she slowly emptied her car and brought in everything she had felt was worth keeping over the last four years. No further descriptors required. Right?

Anyway, I suddenly had to slip back into Mom mode, and being the surprise that it was, I was not at the top of my game.  It’s funny how some people in your life know you in a certain light and have a particular perspective, especially our kids.  Here I was happily being the alone me, and then a bunch of the old me had to be pulled out again.  It only took until the next morning for my daughter to complain that there was no food in the house.  And later to express utter shock that I had also run out of printer paper.  I was going to buy all of that this weekend, what’s the big rush!?

But that’s the thing.  My daughter is so much younger than me, and while she goes about things in a different way than I do, mostly faster, I had become pretty accustomed to having and doing things my way. 

Motherhood is not that distant of a memory though, so it doesn’t take much to slip back into it and be what she needs. 

She’s talking about next steps in her education. Where to go, what to do.  And she has some really grand ideas.  Which I support completely. I love it when my kids think big. Dreams are applauded in my house.  There was a very serious conversation last night between us about all that stuff.  So today I woke up with the next conundrum, how to finance her next steps.

It’s going to take money that neither of us have.  But that’s just the current situation.  Something else came along to stir up perspective on all of that too….

I finished reading Jen Sincero’s book “You Are a Badass” last night.  And she has added some serious spice and incentive to my outlook for 2019.  I am planning big and expecting big.  As she also makes very clear though, I am going to be working big too.  You still can’t get something for nothing. 

On their way too…

On their way too…

Some things in my routine are changing right away.  Like setting the alarm even on the days I don’t have to go to work. And actually getting out of bed when it rings. And going to bed at a decent hour so I can get up the next day.  Why do artists love to stay up so god-awful late?  My mother used to call me a night owl.  This is not a new habit.

I’m putting it all on paper too. The vision for the year and the plan to get there.  Specifics are important Jen says… Heading to the grocery store this weekend to fill up both myself and my daughter and will make the transition to better eating habits as well.  A goal that just reminded me it was there too…

I know, I know, talk to me in April.  Or March.  When most new year good intentions fall apart. But maybe this is different.  Maybe I’ve got some big goals for myself.  But I’ve also still got them for my kids.  I see I’ll be transitioning back and forth between these roles, and eventually the one where I am on my own (or happily cohabiting with a new partner – because that’s on the list too) will take over as the kids are solidly launched into their journeys.

It’s exciting! And I realize now, only as exciting as I make it. I am still looking forward.  With anticipation and enjoyment!  It’s the only way to be that’s any fun anyway. J

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