I’ve been thinking a lot about men this week. And trying to figure out why I like them so much. I have plenty of reason not to like them, given marriage, broken trust, divorce, and a couple of poor decisions after that.
But hope and a case of the yippees seems to spring eternal in me. What can I say? Men are a wellspring of interest. They’re so different from us girls. Regardless of what new gender-bending feminism might like to say, the stuff about men that I love, seems only to be found in men. They’re incredibly reasonable, and very straight forward with what they feel, but only when they actually feel it. Over the years I’ve grown tired of the whiny girlfriend who pines that her guy hasn’t told her he loves her. The dots aren’t that difficult to connect. He hasn’t said it because he doesn’t feel it.
I love that about men. That they are not difficult to discern. That I don’t have to spend hours and days parsing, well, anything with them, is just a huge sigh of relief. Us girls do that shit with our girlfriends for hours, days, even years on end. It’s so damn tiring. Even when I do it. But boys, that’s a whole other thing. Boys get directly to what they think, A + B = C, and then get in gear and do whatever it is that the equation revealed.
Anyway on a bit of a side note, an interesting thing happened at shul (synagogue) this week. I met two ladies that I hadn’t before. Hilda and Rivka. And we connected immediately. As we sat at lunch after the service, Hilda tells me “the one” is coming and it will be a love like I have never known. That’s something I can definitely nod ascent to. Rivka has offered to teach me Hebrew, which I’ve always wanted to learn. These amazing women gathered round and offered what they knew and filled me up. Matriarchs can be pretty badass too.
Along with that, I’ve been fielding the usual questions from various people this week - why am I still single? Why haven’t I had a date in forever? Blah, blah, blah. The honest answer to all of that is – I haven’t the foggiest idea. I get that they ask because they don’t understand why I am alone, which in itself is a nice compliment. But gee, get in line, I don’t have any more idea than you do!
Maybe that isn’t quite true. I do have some idea that I haven’t actually been ready for something mind-blowingly good. I’ve had some serious shit to sort through. But now that it looks like most of that is behind me, I am sensing a readiness that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I am hopeful. The hope-aholic has returned. And she is feeling very good!
And men are once again this tantalizing, direct, fun, visceral engagement that I have missed. In some very real ways, even though I know it exists and have seen it in others, I miss something I’ve never had. But I know he’s out there. I long ago walked away from the bitter women who say all the good ones are taken. They can’t be – because mine hasn’t shown up yet!
And then today there was the icing on the cake. My dishwasher broke down a couple of days ago, it stopped draining. So, I called the repairman. The same guy that came a few months ago to replace the thermometer in my refrigerator. I was very choked because I really didn’t need the expense right now. But necessary it was, so I left work and met him at the house this afternoon. It took about half an hour for him to find and fix the problem. But he got the dishwasher running again. I love watching men use their left hemisphere. It fascinates me how efficient it is. Anyway, I swallowed hard and asked how much I owed him. And he said “nothing”. What?! What do you mean nothing? He said, “It’s on me. Happy Hanukkah.” Then he said, “I do this once or twice a year only. So don’t tell anyone.” And I was thrilled and surprised all at once. I thanked him profusely, gave him a hug, and then he was on his way. So much honor and kindness walking out my door with his tool kit in hand. Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just looking for an opportunity. And I skipped back to work with my new-found faith in men solidly affirmed.
So this is for me so I don’t forget, for all the women out there who might not yet be where I am, and for all those amazing, wonderful men just looking for a chance to step up and be who they are.
And it’s for that one I have never really forgotten, who shows up in my thoughts every so often….