Choosing a Way…
A painting I did of Jerusalem, the old city and the new, several years ago….
Coming back to my blog as a artistic Jewish woman…. seriously I really need to do this on a more regular basis, not just when my soul is churning and peace is hard to find.
The massacre that took place in Israel on October 7th may be old news to most of the world, but for my community it is still front and centre. The tears, the frustration, and the anger still flow. And the worry for those who are still hostages, those still missing, and those lives that will be lost in the ensuing conflict weighs heavily.
The thought I keep coming back to and one that I’ve had for the first time since this event, is that I am glad my parents are gone. They would have been terrified. And so I am glad they are at peace and are unaware of any pain.
I hear Dad in my head constantly these last couple of weeks. So many times, because of his Holocaust experience, he told me not to let anyone find out I am a Jew. He was afraid for me, and hiding was what he learned from the concentration camp. His warnings were often enough that for most of my life they elicited the opposite response in me. Partly rebellious, partly wanting to take back for us what he was too afraid to do, I have never hidden my identity.
Until now, I’ve never even considered it. But with all the anti-Israel and anti-Jewish demonstrations around the world, including democracies, Dad’s warnings don’t seem so overwrought anymore. When they’re chanting in Sydney, Australia to “gas the Jews” the clear message is that this is not about Israel. And in London, England before any of this happened, they drove through the streets shouting “F**k the Jews, rape their women.” This was, and still is about annihilating the Jews. All of us.
It’s the same story throughout the ages, and yet we are today only .2% of the world’s population (and yes, the decimal is in the right place). 16 million of us. Still not even past the population we were before the Holocaust. But those who hate us choose to believe all the conspiracy theories about us… for living on land where we are the only indigenous people, for killing their Christ, for being too successful, for keeping ourselves a distinct community, for blending in, for our own self-determination. After they killed 6,000,000 of us, didn’t it seem obvious that we needed our own place to go?!! Israel, that tiny country surrounded by haters, it seems it’s never enough. More of us dead is the only thing that will satisfy. And all of us gone the only thing that will stop it. It makes no sense. But hatred never does.
What makes sense for me and my family, for now, is telling my kids to be careful. My son who is travelling right now, I admit I especially told him the same thing Dad always told me. And I hate that I had to do it. Even though I still don’t think Dad was right. Even though I will continue to be a proud Jew. Even though my kids have always been fiercely Jewish. Even though I will continue to stand with my homeland Israel. Even though feelings are mixed and fear sometimes rises up, I will not give them the satisfaction.
I know I am spitting angry, and never going to back down from the place we’ve been given. Never going to go away, and certainly never going to hide, even if temporarily it might seem the right thing to do. And I know there are millions of Jews with me in this. If anything, we are tenacious, strong, and steadfast. And we may not all believe it, but we have Hashem with us too. And He’s promised us our existence, our place, and our flourishing over and over again.
“I will turn darkness before them to light.
Rough places into level ground.
These are the promises -
I will keep them without fail.
Driven back and utterly shamed
shall be those who trust an image,
Those who say to idols,
‘You are our gods!’”
(Isaiah 42: 16-17)
And so I choose… I choose to trust Him, I choose to reach out to Him, I choose to express His will for us and I choose to ask Him for Israel’s protection. For me it means walking in my calling, for continuing to paint, to write and to express what is deep within. To give wherever and whenever I can. Maybe I’m sometimes doing it just for me, but I don’t think so. I think Hashem’s calling is always for the wider community and the rest of the world. He is not going to fail us, His Israel. His answer is sure, His redemption promised.
“Soaring”. Another painting from more recently….
